chap 10 rhetorical act 2

This is an excerpt from a an essay I wrote for a scholarship like a month ago, that I recently found out I was chosen for, regardless, I think that I use figures and the occasional trope unconsciously more than I thought. I know that I use a lot of appositives, long participial phrases, parallelism, and other things I don't even remember the name of but that's because I had this crazy ap english teacher in high school who pounded us with ridiculous amounts syntax and for some reason where none of the math stuck grammar just kind of did.

The question for the essay went something like: “What are your aspirations and goals?” These were some of my ideas I brainstormed before I wrote the paragraph and used some figures.
I want to learn and I am grateful for the opportunity I have to study at as diverse university as Colorado State University Pueblo.

The General Public does not have equal access to the law that the wealthy do.

With this knowledge and a college education I would serve pueblo by providing equal access to legal representation regardless of financial circumstances.

Paragraph:
In the next five years I see myself continuing my education. I want to learn; I am grateful for the opportunity I have now to study at such a diverse University as Colorado State University-Pueblo and would not trade it. However, I have long dreamed of attending Law school. Along with the world class education and critical thinking skills acquired in law school, much of my motivation to strive to attend law school resides in my basic feelings about the correlation between education and freedom. The General Public does not have equal access to the law that the wealthy do, we all know this. Through education an individual gains freedom. Freedom is the ability to identify and help change the injustices in a society. Therefore I believe that in today’s society there are few things that symbolize freedom on a more intimate level that having an extensive knowledge of the law. Motivated by this foundation and armed with a law school degree I would serve Pueblo by providing quality equal access to legal representation regardless of financial circumstances.